a blizzard and a panic attack

i love driving in the middle of nowhere for signs like this. diners with no other message but EAT. Classic. we didn't eat here. it was next to a gas station we gased up at out side of Amarillo TX, but i had to take a picture. if i ever own a restaurant, i want to have a sign that says EAT. what else do you really need to tell people.

okay, i really need to get back on the road here, but on with the title subject. so we had this picture perfect day, blah, blah, blah. tons of time to think and talk to johnhenry. i came to some realizations about myself in realtion to chris and our marriage and things i have been blaming him for instead of taking responsibility. more of that later. so, we get to Albuquerque, stop for dinner. Angie told me to stay there and get a room. i wanted to get a little further, say Gallup, then stop. They were having snow in Flagstaff and she was worried, so she checked the weather and thought we shoud be okay to Gallup NM. We get back on the road not 20 minutesand the wind picks up, semis start passing us and snow starts pounding us. we hit a surprise blizzard in the mountains. i about crapped my pants. after our beautiful day, how did this happen. snow wasn't even on my radar. now, i don't care about myself, but when i have my 2 baby boys in the car and it is pitch black and i have been driving all day and visibility is ZERO with snow coming down like a Little House on the Prairie very special episode and i think the next town is 100 miles away, in my very Brooke way i have a panic attack. scary dude. way scary.

angie gets on the horn and finds a little town clled Grants , only 40 miles away, still 40 miles, in a blizzard, in the mountains. we drove 35 miles in a 75 mile zone. i had trucks honking at me like you wouldn't believe. i don't care. i'll drive 5 miles an hour if i have to. so we arrived in Grants. found a room at a Super 8, put the boys in bed and i can't even take a sleeping pill because i have to be able to wake up if the boys need me, so i did take a xanax to calm the nerves.

no we are on the final stretch to phoenix. although last night has left me freaked out i must say. there is snow in Flagstaff, but at least it is day and i will be able to see. and i will drive 30 miles an hour again if i have to. i will say, if i can handle last night, i can handle anything. i can do this whole life thing. i can dammit!