Monday, March 8, 2010

Day One

Where do i begin? I guess at the beginning, as with most things. Of course we didn't get started on time. We didn't leave the house until almost 9:30. I wanted to be on the road at 7. But i wanted to get a run in and i let the boys sleep in. Plus Chris, my soon to be second ex-husband, was running around, busying himself and holding me up by "helping" me get ready. Chris's idea of helping is to sit for 2 hours and label all the power cords to the various electronic devices I may or may not want to bring with me on my trip. Or printing a bunch of maps i didn't ask for and then complain to me that he is late for a meeting because he was helping me get ready. One of the many reasons my second marriage is failing and why i had to get away from my house and chris and just be with my boys somewhere else. Shall i post a pic as we are about to depart?

This is Johnhenry, me, holding what is left of my dog Steve in a box and Atticus, on my front porch this morning. The sleds and shovels are still out from the winter. The plexi-glass images of Janet Reno and Harriet Tubman that were part of my theatre company's set for An American Daughter are still sitting to the right of Johnhenry. A little background. After 5 very successful years as an SPT, the company i co-founded and co-artistic directed went on indefinite hiatus due to the economic state of the world of professional not-for-profit arts in this country. That happened in October. The same month i lost my beloved dog and my purse was stolen while i was swimming laps at the Y. i felt like a fucking country music song. Anyway, we have been slowly liquidating the company and the i just don't know what to do with the plexi-glass Janet Reno. Do you throw it away? See, i am all over the place. This is why i needed a rip to clear my head. So when i finally was able to get Chris to quit forcing his way of life and travel and ways of the world on me, we left for our adventure. And it was beautiful. Fully armed with a cooler of goodies and a video camera, we took off. i am documenting the entire trip on video as well. The sun was shining. It was warm. A great day for hitting the road. And it is amazing you know. As soon as i am away from Chris, my 3 year old Atticus, who can be a handful, becomes so calm. kids are so intuitive. they can feel all that negative energy. and the minute it is gone, wow, the difference is amazing. We drove through MO without a hitch and then hit OK. And then it rained really, really hard. We had seen several signs for museums for things like Jesse James and the history of Vaccums and such and we decided to pass. But the rain and the fact that i have testosterone filled boys lead us to the world famous JM Davis Arms Museum. Basically a really big warehouse with every weapon ever maufactured, ever. It was here i had my first major discovery of trip. I am a terrible mother. I don't know my children. i have let my all my own shit get in the way being their mom. all the time i have spent nursing my wounds from my own shitty childhood and chasing these crazy aspirations of stardom and artisitic fulfillment, i have missed out. did i learn nothing from missing out on Dane, my oldest son's early years? We are standing in this fucking gun museum and we get to the section with more modern weapons and johnhenry starts rattling off all this information about all these things and what they do and what they are used for and what they are called etc.... and i am like "How do you know all this?" and he says"Call of Duty on XBox and my dad." I had no idea. So now we are sitting in a hotel in Oklahoma City. i am so tired. Atticus didn't even nap. i am going to take my boys to ok city bombing memorial tomorrow morning. i have never scene. i want to share that with them. i want to unglorify a bit for johnhenry what violence and weapons are. and i want us all to learn a little bit more about each other. good night.

oh, and my typing AWFUL. no consistency in punctuation or spelling or grammar or anything. maybe someday, i will have an editor. until then...sorry.


  1. such an awesome post and incredible gift you are giving your kids and yourself with this trip. I felt so many things reading this, but mostly just that I love you. Travel safe :) - Meg

  2. I know what you mean about missing out. I am so glad I no longer work for the theatre department. I was constantly missing my kids school activities because it was someone's dress rehearsal in Studio or I was in rehearsal for a show. Gregory Mosher, former artistic director of the Goodman Theatre, once quipped, "There's more to life than staging." It was funny at the time. I now have a lot of respect for that statement. I think I was always cut out to write and didn't know it. And now I do. -Lynn

  3. I posted a comment on your post after this one b/c it was the post I read first.

    I wish I had read them in order, though, b/c now I'm afraid that my comment sounds a little like I'm a jerk--which I can be, but did not mean to be!

    I stand behind my comment, I just wish that I ever did things in order...

    We are so much alike on so many levels, you and I. One of the glaring differences, though, is that you are on an adventure...and I am sitting at my computer in my office reading about it.

    Sending Love and Light to you on your journey,

  4. Brooke, I enjoyed reading this. I'm sorry we had problems with each other last year, and I hope talking at the NJT helped heal the rift. Neither of us is the embodiment of patience, and I was too quick to anger. I hope you have a wonderful journey (and a "terrible mother" wouldn't even DO this). I'm sorry about you and Chris too. Be safe, enjoy your time with the boys, and know that I hope only good things for you, your family, and your work. Career isn't the most important thing in life, not by a long shot, but you're terrific at what you do. I admire you as an actor, musician AND mom.