This is Johnhenry, me, holding what is left of my dog Steve in a box and Atticus, on my front porch this morning. The sleds and shovels are still out from the winter. The plexi-glass images of Janet Reno and Harriet Tubman that were part of my theatre company's set for An American Daughter are still sitting to the right of Johnhenry. A little background. After 5 very successful years as an SPT, the company i co-founded and co-artistic directed went on indefinite hiatus due to the economic state of the world of professional not-for-profit arts in this country. That happened in October. The same month i lost my beloved dog and my purse was stolen while i was swimming laps at the Y. i felt like a fucking country music song. Anyway, we have been slowly liquidating the company and the i just don't know what to do with the plexi-glass Janet Reno. Do you throw it away? See, i am all over the place. This is why i needed a rip to clear my head. So when i finally was able to get Chris to quit forcing his way of life and travel and ways of the world on me, we left for our adventure. And it was beautiful. Fully armed with a cooler of goodies and a video camera, we took off. i am documenting the entire trip on video as well. The sun was shining. It was warm. A great day for hitting the road. And it is amazing you know. As soon as i am away from Chris, my 3 year old Atticus, who can be a handful, becomes so calm. kids are so intuitive. they can feel all that negative energy. and the minute it is gone, wow, the difference is amazing. We drove through MO without a hitch and then hit OK. And then it rained really, really hard. We had seen several signs for museums for things like Jesse James and the history of Vaccums and such and we decided to pass. But the rain and the fact that i have testosterone filled boys lead us to the world famous JM Davis Arms Museum. Basically a really big warehouse with every weapon ever maufactured, ever. It was here i had my first major discovery of trip. I am a terrible mother. I don't know my children. i have let my all my own shit get in the way being their mom. all the time i have spent nursing my wounds from my own shitty childhood and chasing these crazy aspirations of stardom and artisitic fulfillment, i have missed out. did i learn nothing from missing out on Dane, my oldest son's early years? We are standing in this fucking gun museum and we get to the section with more modern weapons and johnhenry starts rattling off all this information about all these things and what they do and what they are used for and what they are called etc.... and i am like "How do you know all this?" and he says"Call of Duty on XBox and my dad." I had no idea. So now we are sitting in a hotel in Oklahoma City. i am so tired. Atticus didn't even nap. i am going to take my boys to ok city bombing memorial tomorrow morning. i have never scene. i want to share that with them. i want to unglorify a bit for johnhenry what violence and weapons are. and i want us all to learn a little bit more about each other. good night.
oh, and my typing AWFUL. no consistency in punctuation or spelling or grammar or anything. maybe someday, i will have an editor. until then...sorry.